Pooping is by far one of my least favorite activities. It's boring, unproductive, uncomfortable, and impossible to escape or speed up. I have enough projects on my plate, it's not like I want to spend 15 minutes just sitting, thinking about the cinematic masterpiece of Futurama and what imbecile in their right mind would cancel it.
And yes, 15 minutes. My poo time is my thinking time (hey, if I have to have it at all I might at least be reevaulating my friend choices) and that's alright because I also masturbate a lot less than most people (I think. If only there was a real-life Truman Show for ten different diverse test subjects I would know for sure.) and that's the same kind of activity.
Story: Once when I was in 8th grade we were doing computer tests in the library and I finished my test with 30 extra minutes to spare, with no homework to do and no talking to be allowed. So I thought it would be good to excuse myself to take a #2. I wasn't rushing. When I came back I was loudly chastised for taking a long time by Doug "Happily Divorced" Ingamells and it was really embarrassing. Anyway who's he to judge, his poops are probably white and smell like chalk, the old cunt.
And I poop twice a day. Every day. To my knowledge, this is uncommon. And not two little rabbit poops, either; full on curl-top soft serve mediums. I really don't know why; I don't eat that much. Maybe God knew I needed that extra thinking time and if I didn't have it I would be rocking in the corner right now, mumbling satan valentines. So thanks God, I guess.
Engraver
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