Tanner (name rant 2)

I've known two Tanners, and neither of them were very important or interesting.

The first Tanner I met was my "long-lost cousin". He was really the grandchild of my mother's second cousins, so the blood relation was close to a milliliter. We met at the wedding of my second cousin when I was maybe 9. I had met her indifferently a few times and she was marrying a man who I didn't care about. They refused to take my cryptic flower-throw fortunes so I made a point to remove myself from the wedding operation altogether.

I'm certain I had a crush on him. He made me feel adventurous and masculine and like a bad kid and it was exciting. I vividly remember the mixed faces of my parents when I relayed Tanner's hilarious observation the the beatboxer's solo sounded a lot like the word "bitch" over and over again.

I also remember that I was scarred by that party. Tanner had introduced me to his toy gun, a small black pistol with an orange tip he had taped over to make it look more realistic. We were playing with the gun and I found a knothole in the side of the [barn I guess?] in which the wedding was taking place. And suddenly there was a pushing from the other side. I looked to see a stranger's hand, no body visible, with long black fingernails and a reptilian wrinkled texture wrapped around the end of my gun, disapprovingly pushing it back in the building towards me. I dropped it and stood there, shocked. Tanner hadn't seen. I was very scared.

I remember trying to tell Tanner what had happened but for some reason (terror, maybe) I just couldn't. I don't think I've ever told my parents. As a 16-year-old, I can't decode this stranger's odd actions. I can't even formulate the questions I have, literally. I haven't since seen Tanner and I don't need to (I'll make a post about my stance on incest later).

There's another Tanner who appeared in Jangano Marimba at the beginning of last year. He was from Sellwood, a school with a large Marimba program led by a white lady who didn't understand Zimbabwean rhythm. He came with Kristin and both, who claimed to know Isi Tauya Pano, played their parts with a western gait that was positively awful.

And Tanner, of course, was the center of Ricky's gaze. He was everything he ever looked for; Bony with a pointy face, athletic, weird and awkward (and not in a cute way) and a victim of gay voice. I thought he was terrible but had to push those thoughts away to agree with Ricky's then-favorite phrase: "He's athletic and beautiful". No, really. He said those exact words ALL THE TIME. I guess it's good that everyone has their own preferences, but I still don't get it.


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